Still alive. Still doing things. Had to kill someone, Chinese solider I think...hope, feel sick thinking about it.

I'm not sure I want to talk about it. But I need to put this down so I can look back and remember and not lose sight of things.

It makes me feel like a terrible person, he got dragged halfway around the world to some town in the U.S. to keep watch and kill our soldiers and people, but when it all comes down to we were both two scared... basically kids and Life ended up lighting everything on fire and screamed for a cage match. One of us was lucky enough to live, and I was lucky enough to be faster with the sidearm than he was with the knife. My hands are shaking just thinking about it. I doubt... no I hope I never fully get over it and think lightly of taking another person's life. I'm not cut out for front lines.. but this is still stuff that has to be done so someone else doesn't have to.

It's still snowing by the way. I'm going to go out for a walk and calm down again.